Positive parenting strategies for teenage years | How to raise a Teen peacefully
Inside: Suggestions for how to positively parent a teenager and how to have a friendly relationship with them. How to handle troubled teens and discipline them. How to peacefully parent a teenager.
Exhausted of your teenage kids who don’t listen to you or always talk back? Are you looking for solutions to maintain a friendly relationship with your teenage kids while disciplining them in a positive way? You are at the right place.
So before you resent thinking ‘why does my teenager kid say hurtful words?’, let’s try to understand their state as well.
Teenage can be a confusing period for both kids and their parents as they go through a lot of physical and psychological changes.
Influence from their school, friends circle, social media plays a huge role in their behavioral pattern and no matter what you do or say, it will only aggravate the situation.
Once they start feeling that their parents are nagging, they will further distance themselves from you and avoid your advice and concerns altogether.
Yet, positive discipline for teenagers is mandatory to make travel on the right path till the point they can start living independently.
So, what’s the solution now? How can you peacefully and positively parent a teenager without controlling them too much?
10 Steps To Positively Parent A Teenager Kids
#1. Set General Rules But Have exceptions too
We can commonly see rules being a part of parenting life to limit kids from not doing something that can land them in trouble. Some examples are no outing after 9 pm or should have dinner together with family etc.
If you have rules in your home, it’s time to revisit them and make proper revisions.
See what is doable and what needs utmost effort to pull off. And now analyze the effect of each one so that you can strike off silly rules that you don’t see working in reality.
You can now sit down with your kid now to discuss these roles and their impact. Be frank with them and explain how sticking to these rules is going to avoid unnecessary distress.
#2. LISTEN TO THEM
Some parents merely pass orders down to their kids and don’t wait for them to give explanations. Even if they explain, their parents frown without willing to understand why they felt that way.
It’s important to have two-way conversations with kids as they are also on their way to becoming adults.
When asked teen kids about what they hate the most about their parents, their primary complaint is this. That their parents have preconceived answers and never consider their response.
This shows that we still see and treat them as kids while expecting them to behave like adults with utmost discipline. NOT FAIR, RIGHT?
Whether it’s a day-to-day conversation or dictation of their roles and responsibilities in a family event, get their opinion. Give them time to think and ask what they feel about it.
When they feel that their parents listen to them, they will be willing to share their minds openly in any situation.
#3. Show Them That They Have Your Attention
No matter kids or adults, we all crave attention. And when teens don’t get that, they tend to get defiant and aggressive instead of directly expressing it.
And by attention, I don’t mean constant monitoring. Attention is a key factor of positive disciplining where your kid knows that he/she has your back.
Show interest in whatever they do and ask them about things that they like to do or currently doing. It can be about their new teacher or a subject they are taking. Or it can be about where they want to go to college. Engage in both light and meaningful conversations with them.
Also, update about your work or what’s happening in your life too. They deserve to know it too.
Remember, positive attention brings trust and a sense of security in them and going to favor you peacefully parenting your teen.
#4. Watch Your Own Behavior
Kids observe and repeat more than they do when they listen. Sometimes they do the opposite of what you say. But without saying if you behave in the right way in front of them, it will get the job done for you.
Hence you have to watch your behavior and correct it if necessary. You need to set yourself as an example in order to teach them. Actions have more effort than words.
Shouting at your spouse or coworkers in front of your kids is a big no-no. Whether it’s discipline or appropriate behavior or temper management, show them how it’s done practically instead of lecturing them for hours.
They will look up to you as if you are a hero and try to impersonate you.
#5. Don’t Let Your Teenager Manipulate You
Kids are very good at manipulating their parents when they need something. And matter of factly, they know how to melt you and what words will work to get their favor done.
So don’t let their cajoling melt you down and say yes to all of their requests. Stay consistent with rules and explain why it’s important to stick to them when a need arises.
You don’t have to be extra strict all their time and deny everything that comes from their mouth. But don’t do it often unless it’s something urgent and can’t be done away without it.
You know what’s better for your kid and what is not. Decide it upon yourself and don’t give the key to them.
#6. Teach Them How To Be Independent
Soon they will grow up and leave the home for college or work and will be in a place to sustain themselves without any help. Prepare them for that life from now on.
Don’t be their maid and do their basic chores like cleaning their room, organizing their stuff, etc. Make a schedule and ask them to follow it and if it’s fully done, they can get their pocket money or else not.
By this age, they should even know how to quickly cook a meal for themselves or someone else if there is a need.
As the responsibilities increase, they will find their own ways to manage everything and learn the art of independence.
Don’t forget to appreciate them for doing a neat job.
#7. Be Ready To Face Cold Blooded Arguments
Of course, they are not going to agree to everything above in just one go. It will be a surprise for you when you hear them defend themselves for the very first time. Sometimes, they might even use hurtful words or personally attack you for not knowing something.
But don’t let the handle go off. It’s no use shouting at them when you see them disrespecting you.
Practice a calm yet stern look and put your foot down. Once they seem composed, start the conversation again and ask them why they feel the opposite way. Explain your stance in a clear way that they cannot refuse.
Lay down the consequences of every action in a non-scary yet firm tone.
AGAIN, Don’t encourage word wars or use dramatic statements like ‘I don’t know why I gave birth to you’, Or ‘Is this how you repay us?’.
#8. Punishments Never Yield Results You Expect
Now memorize the above statement. You might get a sense of satisfaction after you have successfully handed your kid down a punishment for their wrong-doing.
But it doesn’t make them understand that what they have committed is wrong. Even if they do, it’s not gonna stay for a long time.
But if you are not able to find any other ways to control their unpleasant behavior, then come up with something mild. Some examples are not using phones, games for one day or not doing their favorite activity for one day, etc.
Don’t let them spend their time alone at any cost as this is going to make them hate you even more.
If you think that Teenagers intentionally annoy you by behaving awfully, then you are mistaken. They have little control over their reactions and conduct and are confused about what’s happening within them and around them. As a parent, we need to help them in this tough phase and discipline them in a positive way.
Be their mindful friend and help them learn their way through this troublesome journey. Parenting is going to be a lot easier if it’s done as a team and the team contains not just mother and father but their kid too.